Yeaahhhh....

Wow.. How the mighty have fallen!
I have totally and utterly returned to old patterns! I'm trying to search for a reason as to why and try and explain it away with excuses.. Can't really find anything with any substance. "I'm just sick of the gym"
"I can't be bothered" "I don't want to cook" PURE LAZINESS!! Probably ontop of stress it's not that good a combination! It's my perfectionist curse kicking in! If you can't do it perfectly then give up cause you'll never get there!
Super flop..

I do not even want to tell you what I have been eating! Well tonight I had KFC.. For afternoon tea I had two bags of smiths chips, an Easter bunny and a green apple. For lunch today I had a massive container of spaghetti bolognaise. For breakfast I had an English muffin one half with bacon and one with peanut butter. Tried to eat some vaalia 97% fat free yoghurt but it was so gross..
Yesterday I had pies, veggies & mash for dinner. Cannot tell you how long it has been since I had frozen pies!!! And not in a good way I felt so shit after! For lunch I hd Maccas.. Breakfast I had an English muffin with Vegemite & peanut butter and some strawberries..
The day before I had soup for dinner (yay for frozen pre made healthy portions) for lunch I had KFC.. Erghh.. And for breakfast I had nothing.. I went to make a smoothie and my blender was dirty still.. So I just got distracted.
KFC makes me suicidal.. That's how bad I feel after I eat it! I wish I could make myself vomit just to feel better.. But for some reason I crave it!

I've been searching for some magical way out.. I need help.. Thinking of a round of 12wbt.. Changing Gyms now we have moved I could go to Camden may freshen up my drive to go it being nice and close.. Some detox products like skinnymetea or lemon detox something to get my tummy feeling better I need a serious flush!.. I'm drowning! In my excuses.. Returning to that place I was 2 years ago I can't get out and do anything or make good choices and then I hate myself!! I feel so huge :-(

I really want to sign up to the next round of Michelle bridges 12wbt but don't have the money.. Feeling like maybe that could give me the drive I need and I love her mindset videos! It's a weekly thing so you keep motivated.. Menu plans are done for you and one of my biggest excuses is the fact that my husband can't stand my healthy cooking.. So I don't bother.. I've given up and I hate it I want to change!! Just feeling so overwhelmed and its hard to resurface once you get into that hole..

I made this plan to sign up to all these events to try and motivate me to get fit again but once again can't afford the extra money to sign up to an $80 triathlon! :-(

I just wanna curl up in a hole.. I see all these people's before and after photos and really want that amazing result for myself! I look at so many and then just reign myself
To failure without starting.. No way would my life let me achieve such a goal I've got too much shit to deal with.. Just not in a good place.. Sorry I haven't blogged in a while but it's hard for me to share my weakness.. I want to be strong and I want to motivate people but I guess being honest portrays a real journey.


http://www.trimmedandtoned.com/kelsey-byers-weight-loss-guide-from-fitness-beginner-to-fitness-professional

Kickin' Back

So for all my gung ho posts I got the super flu!! I've been totally out of it for the past 2 weeks! Haven't been to the gym in a week or exercised (apart from work cause holy shit that's a workout) I've been wanting to go for walks to keep myself moving but pass out before I get a chance!
It started off sore throat then turned into this massive head fog.. Headache then serious fatigue.. Couldn't talk and had a throaty cough! But I really can't believe how tired I have been! Admittedly I have been working full weeks and day shift after night shift the previous night! Ughh while I've been sick! I did have one day off because I literally could not even lift my arm I was so exhausted! I stayed in bed all day and drifted in and out of sleep! Had to force myself to get up and eat something to try and get some energy! Fucking crazy!!

But it's also come at a good time! Although I haven't been exercising and not as strict with my eating I feel great in my body! Obviously not the whole flu thing but I'm not hating my body as much as I have been! I've stopped being so stressed out and it's great to relax a bit! I have so much spare time lol I love the positivity flowing through my mind! I walk past the mirror and think I'm skinny instead of ragging on how I'm still huge and should go workout some more!
I feel at peace! I still want to achieve my goals and lose more body fat but there's no urgency and obviously right now my body needs a rest!
I look at all these healthy weightloss insta gram accounts and really wish I could be that dedicated!

My life is just a little too hectic right now for that! Of course ill still eat healthy and exercise but I need to focus on my family and our financial goals! Paying off our debt and saving for a house!so right now were working our asses off! Any spare hours I get I need to spend quality time with my family or resting! Immy goes to school next year so she won't be with me on my days off :-( everything will get a little cheaper and easier! Before we know it Evie will be starting school! I'm just taking this Flu as a sign to really stop and relax! Sometimes we can get caught up in the wrong things and I didn't realize how much my weightloss obsession was stressing my family out. I was always stressed out and negative. Always thinking I could do better or wasn't doing good enough was impacting on my family.

 

Woooosaaaa! :-) I've got atleast another 2 years before my metabolism really starts to slow down and even after then I'm sure I could lose the weight! I just don't want to be overweight when I'm older! I see it everyday and life is so much harder and they have so many more problems!! I want to be healthy and active when I'm old because I took care of my body! But most of all I want a happy mind! Cause ultimately that's what gets you through!
Listen to your body! Rest when you need rest!